Knowing the mechanics of how and why we create a dream bond can shed light on the deterioration of romantic attachments. An individual’s best defense against falling in love is the imagined bond. After letting our guard down and allowing ourselves to fall in love, we may resort to a fantasy bond in order to keep the illusion that we are not alone, while keeping emotional distance from our partner, whenever we feel fear, whether it be of losing our partner or of differentiating from our old, familiar identity. In addition to avoiding the aforementioned traits, the following measures can be taken to lessen the likelihood of forming a fictitious connection.
Doing the following steps will help you become a more loving person by destroying your imaginary attachments.
Stay away from dominance and apathy. Maintain an atmosphere of open dialogue. Don’t try to dominate your partner; instead, focus on taking responsibility for your own behavior.
Show some love. Try to connect in any manner you can, even if it’s only a little.
Take it easy and live in the now. To strengthen your relationship, take the time to chat and listen to one another.
Attempt a classic. Take the time and keep up the good habit of engaging in the shared pursuits you formerly enjoyed.
Make direct eye contact. Although it may seem obvious, we frequently fail to actually look at our partners when we are in intimate situations.
Go out of your comfort zone. Never settle into a rut. Always be up for trying anything new, and be receptive to your partner’s suggestions.
Vary your schedule. Have an open mind if repeating the same routine is killing your enthusiasm.
Use “I” instead of “we” while speaking. Keep in mind that no matter how close you get, the two of you will always remain distinct individuals, therefore it’s important to avoid crossing any lines that could potentially ruin the romance.
Go off on your own. Having a relationship does not obligate you to do everything together. You shouldn’t expect or demand that your partner give up their own friends and hobbies.
The critical voice inside your head should be recognized. There is always someone within us who is critical of us and our significant other, and who works to destroy the bonds that bind us.
Share your emotions with those around you. Do not assume that your lover can read your thoughts. If you want to avoid passive-aggressive or harsh ways of connecting, just say what you want and how you feel. The same is true for your partner, who will likely be encouraged to follow suit.
Encourage your partner’s passions. Even if your partner’s interests aren’t your own, you should always encourage them to pursue whatever brings them the most joy and helps them feel the most like themselves.
Don’t adopt a “tit for tat” attitude. One must make a personal decision to love another person. Instead of remembering how good it feels to be loving toward another person, we lose touch with that feeling when we start keeping score of how much we do for one other.
Show affection by doing something that your lover enjoys. Be sure that the actions you take are ones that your partner will appreciate. However much pleasure you get from receiving flowers, consider whether or not your partner would feel the same way.
Keep your mind and heart open. It’s easy to lock down when we’re feeling ashamed, anxious, disappointed, or triggered by our spouse, but we must work hard to avoid doing so and pushing away the love that’s trying to reach us.